Post in which this becomes a mommyblog

I am a mommy. I have over 15 years experience...but I am starting over again. Yes, folks, I have a teenager and a newborn. Diapers and driving lessons all at the same time! I always wanted kids - I thought 4 sounded just about right - but as a young adult I was told it probably would not happen for me. Years of weekly penicillin shots and chest xrays, steroids and other meds had most likely made my fertility less than optimal. At 19 I was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous cervical abnormality that required surgery. Two years later, it recurred at a more severe level, required a more aggressive surgery. I was warned that because of the surgery, the likelihood of my carrying a pregnancy successfully to term even if I did manage to conceive was something like 1 in 3. Bummer. But my fiance decided he loved me enough anyway and we got married less than 2 weeks after the surgery. We settled into life in our small apartment with our dog. He worked, I worked part-time while going to school full-time. Then a year and a half later we were stunned to find out we were pregnant! (My mom knew before I did...but that is a story for another day.) After a difficult, eventful pregnancy during the hottest Fargo summer on record, M was born on a dark and stormy July evening six weeks before her due date. I may share her birth story here another day, but not today. I was thrilled to finally be a mommy. At 23, I was old to be having my first baby in my family, but I had hopes that I was still young enough that I would have time to have more. (Many of the women in my family had to have hysterectomies at young ages.) We tried on our own for a long time, figuring we did it once, we should be able to do it again, dammit! But alas, no. After two early miscarriages, we turned to medical support - tests showed that we were perfectly "normal" and were dealing with unexplained secondary infertility. So, we tried drugs. That sucked in a whole new way. Man, you really have to want a baby BAD do deal with that stuff. After a couple years of "assisted" fertility with no dice, we gave up. I prayed that I would be able to make peace with being the mother of an only child.

Then in the spring of this year, I realized that I was late. Really late. Took a test, and waddya know? Knocked up! Yay! Waaaiiiit a minute...pause for momentary panic...I am old! I have a teenager! I am OLD!! Okay, calming down. I am not that old, only 37. My teenager desperately wants a sibling. I will only be 38 when baby comes - not quite decrepit yet. I can do this. It is what I have prayed for and dreamed of for soooooo long. Hubby had some freaked out panic, too, so I did not feel so bad. It was an eventful pregnancy from the get go (and yes, my mom knew before I did again...more on that another time) and L has been all about the drama from the beginning. But I am loving every minute - even the hard ones - of being the mother of two. Especially these two.